Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
