Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
