so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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