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We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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