Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
