Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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