bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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