Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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