His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
