Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
