ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
