you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
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She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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