i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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