I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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