He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
