Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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