Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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