I'm an idiot
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.