broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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