my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.