so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
