Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts

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  (914): Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts http://tfl.nu/cnqz
  Replies (12) Good night (3211) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Odds of those being real?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  One in who gives a fuck

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  (202): Odds of those being real? (614): One in who gives a fuck http://tfl.nu/agkd
  Replies (91) Good night (4923) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That baby is bound to be under-loved.

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  (262): The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy. (651): That baby is bound to be under-loved. http://tfl.nu/j5h4
  Replies (10) Good night (1091) Bad night (3918)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid

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  (509): im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid http://tfl.nu/xma9
  Replies (48) Good night (7746) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.

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  (315): my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say. http://tfl.nu/ygp4
  Replies (20) Good night (6148) Bad night (1073)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.

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  (586): so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat. http://tfl.nu/q1ic
  Replies (27) Good night (5196) Bad night (1921)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever

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  (503): There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever http://tfl.nu/502h
  Replies (3) Good night (3603) Bad night (1595)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday

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  (419): I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday http://tfl.nu/dtfw
  Replies (8) Good night (3650) Bad night (861)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.

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  (334): Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its. http://tfl.nu/ucnl
  Replies (11) Good night (1507) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.

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  (647): Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever. http://tfl.nu/jdwu
  Replies (13) Good night (709) Bad night (2134)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.

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  (818): Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/vgl2
  Replies (22) Good night (2357) Bad night (1120)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.

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  (530): I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did. http://tfl.nu/hz33
  Replies (4) Good night (1751) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.

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  (917): You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year. http://tfl.nu/e5jh
  Replies (4) Good night (1394) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug

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  (206): I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug http://tfl.nu/jw7j
  Replies (2) Good night (435) Bad night (211)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.

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  (913): I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise. http://tfl.nu/ymmb
  Replies (4) Good night (1059) Bad night (215)

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