Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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