Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually