I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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