his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
