Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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