she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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