dude i'm inner monologue high
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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