Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
