I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
