This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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