All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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