She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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