If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
