he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
