If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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