I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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