You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
