ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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