i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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