I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You may now shotgun with the bride
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
