I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
