Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
