My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
