i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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