I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
