a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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