im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
