This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
