Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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