my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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