If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize