And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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