I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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