worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
