its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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