I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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