doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
