I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
