i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
