why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
