I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm at about main and main street
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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