Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
