Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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