he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Everything about him screamed your future.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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