Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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