Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I wear drunk well.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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