ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
