Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize