I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
