Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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