Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
