Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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