The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
two words: eviction party
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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