I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize