If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
