So drunk its hurt
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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