if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dicks are not precious.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
